Just gonna take a second to say.
I miss us.
And by us, I mean back before everything got crazy. The first time we ever dated. I wouldn’t let you kiss me for the first time until it was somewhere that would make it special. How you actually waited, even though it probably killed you. When those hugs meant way more than the world to me. When holding your hand in public made me feel so lucky to have you. When even though we were still dealing with a bunch of bullshit back then, we still tried, in a way. Then everything got hectic. I just miss how it was before I knew as much as I know about you these days. And all the cute messages you would still send me even though we weren’t dating. How you told me you were going to make me feel beautiful one day.
And hey, I’ll never forget that. Because you did. I’m no longer as self conscious as I was. I used to hate talking to people cause I thought I had big lips. You told me big lips are better. I was so self conscious at the fact that I didn’t have big boobs like everyone else. You didn’t downgrade me like anyone else would have. You made me feel okay with my body.
Remember when I went on that huge rant on twitter about how I thought I loved you, but I was too cared to say anything. You ended up seeing those tweets and said that you were afraid to tell me you thought you loved me. That was the night we both said we loved each other. And in all honesty, I meant it. You might have felt like you did at the time too, but you didn’t. You said it didn’t feel right, loving someone else besides Eva. Like she’s the only person you could ever love. And that killed me. Cause I meant it when I said I love you. That’s why I didn’t throw it around so much. Cause I was serious. And I still do. I’m in love with someone who doesn’t love me back. But what can I do? I can’t help it.. I’m sorry mo. I still love you, but I can’t tell you, cause that would be so pointless.. To tell someone who doesn’t love you, that you love them. I’ll humiliate myself.
